“That’s definitely a boy/girl bump”
Whether it’s an old lady in the supermarket queue or your nearest and dearest, guessing the flavour of the human forming inside that ever growing bump seems to be a fun way to pass the time, just don’t base it on my body shape.
Strangers stopped me in the street to tell me mine (a girl) was definitely a boy bump, because it was all at the front, apparently. I don’t see many women carrying theirs around the back and to say someone is carrying at the sides is to say they’ve just been eating too much cake.
Guess away, you’ve got a 50% chance of getting it right, just don’t base it on your assesment of my body shape. And while we’re at it…
A comforting read: Do’s and don’ts for a peaceful pregnancy
“…You’re small (or huge)”
I was the recipient of both of these statements, sometimes on the same day. Neither made me feel great. Small suggests the baby’s not thriving and huge implies that, once again, I’ve been eating too much cake (I might have, but I don’t need it pointing out).
One thing that I have learnt is that the size of the bump does not bear any great relation to the size of the baby, it brings with it a lot of furniture when it moves in, after all. Huge bumps make small babies and vice a versa. If the midwife isn’t concerned, you shouldn’t be either.
You have become a giant human egg timer.
“You’ve really popped out today”
What has happened here is one of two things, either a number of days or weeks have passed since the person who says this last saw you, in which case the popping was in fact the usual gentle ballooning or you’re wearing something much tighter in which the bump is more on show.
This reasoning does not go down well. They’re right, you’re wrong. You’re only the one carrying the baby after all. Smile and nod.
Do you agree? 10 things I miss about the bump
“Are you STILL pregnant?”
Oh gosh, *looks down* I hadn’t noticed. The speed (or lack of) the passage of time is suddenly demonstrated so beautifully in front of the eyes of the people around you. You have become a giant human egg timer calling into question people’s perception of what nine months feels like.
This will invariably appear to be going really quickly until the last few weeks by which time nobody will be able to believe you’re still incubating.
“How much weight have you gained?”
Really? Yup. Not just one person either. Would you ask anyone this if they weren’t pregnant? I might have given over my womb to the making of a baby but my thighs are still my responsibility, so, see above and stop pointing out my weight gain.
The mum-guilt begins before you’ve even pushed the little thing out.
“Are you going to breastfeed?”
My answer to this one was always a firm ‘I don’t know’, because I had never done it before and frankly it’s like asking someone if they’re going to commit to a season in the alps before they’ve tried skiing.
What they actually mean is, ‘you should breastfeed’ because, it seems, the mum-guilt begins before you’ve even pushed the little thing out.
One mum’s story: Breastfeeding is easy, right?
“Get some sleep now, you won’t be able to once the baby is here”
Yes, because having your bladder squashed, being repeatedly kicked from the inside and not being able to roll over in bed are a famous recipe for a good night’s sleep.
The good news is that every baby is different and *shhh* some do sleep well. Even waking up in the middle of the night to feed I still get a better sleep than I did while pregnant. There is hope!
I’m a 31 year old Art Director, writer and photographer, I’m also a new mum to a little girl born in December 2016. With ten years experience in the magazine industry. I am currently on maternity leave from Gurgle magazine where I art direct, design for print and web and photograph stories.
I live just outside London in what an American would describe as ‘a fixer-upper’. We’re aiming to get the fixing up, err…fixed up before our baby is on the move!